Purge the spirit, free the soul. Saturday, September 25, 2004 11:25 PM
It is time to clear the deck, and listen to the beating of my heart. I have been carousing on the streets of New York since all my buddies have departed. It filled a void I had and allowed me to lumber through the final days of summer. My social circle did not expand doing this activity, for I refused to accept this world was mine. It has been a week without these nightly jaunts and what I miss most is the jukebox and the chatter of voices.
Except for the whirling of hard drives, the silence is closing in. I check the activity logs and find that I’m the only visitor. Like naked in front of the Park windows I’m alone, I think. I write these notes and become bolder as I feel my isolation. Only months ago I was with different people every night. But now I’m alone except I am in the center of the largest city in the country and typing words that can be accessed by millions.
Tomorrow I’m going to be transported by my ex wife to see my son I can not wait to see.. Normally I would protect myself by declining the lift and take the train and bring my bicycle. But I’m curious and even looking forward to the company, no matter how objectionable. I have nightmare that her and her husband will take me in a land fill in New Jersey a la Soprano style. Her husband is coming to protect the innocent of their child from the battle that might erupt between us. I know differently, even when I was a stud and making a fortune I could not stand up to my ex wife’s stinging tongue.
I can assure him that I’m not fool to take that broken path. But, I have come to understand the ready access past lovers have and understand his concern. You must forgive my remembrances for the encounter is soon. Today I watched the French film Madam Bovey. It was the first book I read after the divorce. It was the start of quest that has defiantly muddied my objectivity. I can only watch the first half where Emma seduction is not assured.
I was lying in bed and these thoughts were streaming out of my head, I needed to come to the computer to write them down. The three tacos I ate are still heavy in my belly. I am abstaining from alcohol but If I am really courageous I would stop drinking coffee, but I don’t think I have the strength. But who knows the power of positive thinking is.