Perception Sunday, May 22, 2005 9:15 AM
This past week I have shifted strategy. Rather then think about what needs to be done next, I am paying attention to my feelings. So far it has gotten me in trouble. I have upset others. When I hear words like “unfortunate”, “guilty”,”despite” I take issue. Criticizing negative words is negative to, resulting in a disconnect.
I am an avid reader of non-fiction. Politics, Economics, Psychology, I read to understand the forces dictating my life. Yet understanding has not helped. Being aware is depressing for the conclusions are mostly bad. Thinking about terrorism, disease and outsourcing makes it difficult to envision a positive future.
So when a friend, a dentist with a practice on Central Park South suggested reading a book on feelings I went online and ordered it from Amazon. I was interested because of her recommendation, A book I might otherwise dismiss for lack of footnotes. The book, “excuse me, your life is waiting” by Lynn Grabhorn did require suspending critical analysis. It states everything in life is controlled by your feelings and whether you put out positive or negative vibration determines whether you attract good fortune or bad.
This idea conformed to past experiences. When times are good they only get better yet when they are bad, well you know the story. I had always sustained this unspoken belief that some force was guiding me through life. Working in the Oval Office, producing a Rolling Stones video and computing in the heart of Wall Street, I did these things not by force and determination but by joy and wonder. I learned much effortlessly and passionately.
Somewhere my luck turned; maybe it was divorce, death or 911. Now a cloud hovers, no longer thinking about the future with goose bumps tomorrow’s tapestry has holes in it. Lynn, the author, would say that I was focusing on negative feelings and the result would be bad. Whether its cosmic force or common sense I know that if you can not see a positive outcome you won’t have one.
Now that I am pushing forward with a positive attitude, I see others fighting a rear guard action. The most favorable outcome is not failing, not getting sick or not being depressed. This is a no win situation. So I am trying to change by setting a goal to experience joy.
Yesterday morning I walked across Central Park and visited the Conservatory Gardens there I sat alone amongst a ring of violet and pink tulips. Last night I cooked a leg of lamp with asparagus and roasted potatoes and feasted alone. I am not home free yet, there was a stressful moment causing rift with an intimate friend. Interpreting her words as negative and objecting, Later discovering that she was upset over test results.
There are going to be events that happen in our lives which make us sad. These events require some morning. But we need to come up for air and smell the roses or we will drown. Empathy is important, but I never want to get to comfortable with my hardship. I want to