Even when built on false allusions and dreams, believing in yourself can give you the strength to prevail when there is no evidence or support. No one has ever accomplished the extraordinary without some blind faith. It is the effort that follows that faith that leads us to our goal one step at a time.

But what if that goal is not worthy? At what point do we weigh the evidence and give up? Or do we just struggle on? It is possible to live your whole life supported by those close and willing to sustain our allusion, friends and lovers, living in a protected cocoon reinforcing each others meritocracy. Some of us venture out and win the praise of the world, like the Beatles or Picasso but most of us are stuck with talents that only a mother could love.

So it is with this awareness that I am forced to come to terms with the dreams of my life: This site. It was to be my ultimate achievement—Built with years of effort on a software foundation which successfully delivered profits to my past employers. I have to realize this effort is not working.

I have had a free hand: working months, reading dozens of books and exploring numerous sites. I worked with commercial sites, corporate portals; and even functioned as an ISP. The image was always clear. Create a portal where I could exert my professional competence and make a living by reacting to the visitors that arrived. But nobody came. It is as if I am broadcasting on a channel nobody can tune in. This dismal lack of commerce is also evident on the ecommerce site I built. I state this confession here because I am not worried anyone will read it.

I could have spent the last three years lying on a beach rather then getting up each day at five and working. I wanted this place to reflect every part of me. I worked on skills like grammar to help convey the message. The dream was that at first I would supply the words and software but over time collaboration would develop and new and productive interchanges would happen.

Not even close. No one is coming. It did not help to I upload a thousand pictures and make possible for all visitors to add content. No one is interested. Most web sites that people create are not interesting to others, but I was hoping that those with a common shared experience would help build upon it. It is not happening.

I have yet to admit defeat. My last effort was to strip out the presentation layer and replace it with strict HTML and style sheets. If I am foolish enough to continue this effort I will pr