I come to this quest having neglected my own needs; I took refuge in mastering the physical world. Engineers use defined rules. For me, engineering gave way to computers, machines with a vision into a better world, built upon efficiency and truth. This filled me with elation. I would wonder if it was not my mistress.

With the crash of the tech boom, the mistress left me. That was not the only jolt; cast aside by a partner whom I did not understand as I did not understand myself. I vowed this would never happen again and began to listen, study and live.

What do I want, not what do I think. I applied the rational tools familiar to me. This time it was about life and love. Before, the line between thought and feelings was clear. I had no feelings. Now I had to manage the welling up inside as I peeled back the layers.

Life had never presented a conflict. I never felt any urge to cheat on my wife. Deception would undermine the rules I lived by. How could I dream when I myself was corrupt? But the price was high. I could not taste the joys of life without it first being process by thought.

I thrived in a bubble, protected by those I produced for, constructing derivatives based upon theoretical models and learning and teaching the tools we use. When I moved beyond the bubble into a fight for supremacy I soon was lost in a world of deception. This was true in business and in personal life.

Learning to live there was no clear way to analyze as the engineer might want. The best way to start is by discovering what you want not what you think you want. This helps to become aware of the wants of others. You make you discover the conflicts with these needs. Getting into the messy stuff.

One such lesson I’ve learned is to be aware of criticizes without cause. Loved ones are privy to all your struggles and learn many of your weaknesses. It is appropriate for a wife to be angry at a husband who misses an engagement when he is known to philander. But when your fault is presented back without provocation, it is time to be concerned.

Now the signals are all clear, echoing in ever encounter. I am not defenseless. Reason and intuition can fuse to help navigate through this minefield of competing self interest. Making it possible in getting needs meet without victimizing others. A thoughtful understanding can protect others from natural tendency to promote your own interests

Our interest is to live in a world that is not cruel, a world which adds up to more then the sum of the parts. We don’t always have to take from others to succeed. We don’t need to deny others to get our needs meet. It’s a dream and a belief.