It’s 3 O’Clock in the morning Friday, September 10, 2004 3:59 AM
Peering out of this box of technical wizardry, I am becoming aware that I am neglecting the lives of others. If you want to know about your own existence you have to look beyond your own world. It is not sufficient to think that dealing with people is not your strength. Neglecting others in your decisions can affect the quality of our lives. Even if the choice is to return to the fascination with things we must accept it is only natural to connect with others. From a very young age I have gravitated towards items and abstract thoughts and have avoiding people. The pain and frustration did not seem to be worth the effort. This was a way I could establish a place in the community without cooperating.
Perfecting a skill with things was the answer. I learned sound and traveled the world. I wrote software and sat silently in the middle of a large trading floor typing code, sitting safely with the understanding I was contributing. It did not require me to extend myself to others. People who entered my world were offered my skills I would gladly share for their effort. This arrangement worked for many years never requesting, confronting or understanding. Magically from situation to situation I was installed to play the tunes I learned so well. This merry-go-round stopped.
In 2001 I quit working on Wall Street, lost both my parents and we all know what else happened in the big apple. It is not fair to hold any of life’s coping strategies responsible for set backs, for we don’t get out of this world alive. Something is going to get us. But we are resourceful creatures, and can adapt and change. The software you are looking at this on, I wrote. But now I am constructing the message. I don’t expect to be very good at it, and it will take some time to shake out the cob webs.
Dealing with people and letting my needs be known has not been easy but the journey will be worth it. I am now becoming aware.