HelpCreate New Blog
 By: Philip Gleason
Blue Skies for NYC Wednesday, 19 July 2006 17:29

Working on the Movie did not happen

Site updated to new framework Friday, 14 July 2006 16:06

It has been almost a year since I last submitted an entry on this web log. Much has occurred during that time, one event which I chronicle 1134 here on my gallery the working on the film “Gardener of Eden” as a video assist. Twenty years have past since the last complete feature film that I had worked on so I was interested in testing myself for the physical challenge. A challenge is was with freezing all night shoots and morning wake ups before sun rise.

I prevailed with the ardor of the job and am preparing to repeat the effort on a film beginning in a week. This film ‘Year of the Dog’ is a story about mid life crisis, a story more fitting then twenty-something anxiety of the earlier film.

I read A few interesting books this past year. One “The World Is Flat” by Thomas Friedman explains the migration of job offshore that were a result of technologies like the Internet. The world has changed and old solutions don’t work. This perspective has orientated my efforts on local projects where I can have a home court advantage. Having worked on a retail website of a store a hundred miles away it is clear being local has its advantage even with the web.

An equally alarming book “The Singularity is Near” by Ray Kurzweil who discusses the convergence of living and artificial intelligence coming to a point of Singularity in fifty years. This reminds me of the enthusiasm I had while working on a trading floor developing systems. I could envision all the trading functions on the floor being programmed into one system, if the software was written correctly. I only later came to appreciate the political back lash that would occur with any attempt to rearrange the business.

The Nobel Prize winner Eric Kandel wrote a book on the functioning of the brain-“In Search of Memory.” After reading Kurzweil’s book I felt it important to learn more about how the brain works. Great strides in understanding the mechanisms of learning are presently taking place. Kandel’s approach was to do research on a primitive animal with an accessible neuron. He chooses the Aplisa sea snail with a relatively simple behavior and researched the electrical and chemical processes responsible for short and long term learning.

This about concludes this blog entry intended only as a test to see if functions are working on the new framework.

 By: Tanya S
Blizzard Sunday, 12 February 2006 14:26

There is a huge blizzard in NYC today!

 By: Philip Gleason
Roll it, Speed, Action Friday, 28 October 2005 07:46

I have switched back and permissioned the world to read again. I did not want my cousin Dick to learn I went beyond the Holy Trinity or for others to learn I am not just programmed to their cause. But the reality is no one reading so I write.

Next month I am on a movie in a technical capacity, applying my sweat and endurance. I am looking forward to joining the team. Your ego can propel you into distinction but ultimately your humanity seeks acceptance. The families and towns have disintegrated and Wall Street was too competitive for camaraderie so I embrace this oppertunity.

I have not written code for months and my posts have been few. I have not given up on the site just redirected to survival, first, reading over two thousand pages on Microsoft.Net to pass tests, then reading scripts and brushing up on movie technology. Now I am going into the field. I purchased a Treo650, no long are people sitting at their computers but are downloading Ring tones so I joint the crowd. If I have a few moments free I can daydream about going mobile but my goal now is to be a good worker.

I wanted to hook it up so I could post entries on to my site with pictures and words from my Treo but that will take a little effort, for now its snap the picture and download it when I return home, if I have the energy.

I am going to end this post and go search the Internet for 24 frame playback. Time code and synchronization were my passion before I started writing derivative models. I am looking forward to how the years have changed the technology. At one time I was going to invest three hundred K in converting NTSC to PAL using three ceiling high racks of equipment. I am glad I did not, for now it can all be done on a chip. The progression does not make the world easier only means the work left for us incorporates more complexity. If you made it this far I love you.

Behind closed doors Saturday, 01 October 2005 05:27

If you are reading this now you have had to log in—that is new. I have moved my web log and photo gallery away from anonymous access. It had been a grand experiment to express my thoughts and expose my history to create a community. This did not happen. I had lost interest in contributing and left the site to run on its own.

With the season’s change, the concern grew in me that the knowledge learned here could be used to exploit. Cynical? Yes. For my latest studing has been of Darwin, power and seduction and the over riding evidence is we all act in our self interest, everything else is wishful thinking.

My outlook has been reinforced by the termination of the e-commerce project I worked on for a year. I now have nothing to do with theWellSeasonedNest. I had my concerns involving myself with my brother old friend. The signs of trouble were clear. When I was thirteen he broke a 45 of Ray Charles’s “Hit the Road Jack” and promised to replace it but never did and then after I started the project a friend cautioned me, telling me of his own troubles doing business with the man. I proceeded for I had my own selfish needs to fulfill.

As I despair about the intentions of others, I have to accept that I behave no differently. My goal was to further the technology while they would express to me what they wanted. This works when you are closer but with the separation, issues that arise became faults. The experience did contribute much to my understanding of building a retail web site so I am just as guilty of ruthlessness.

I am returning to developing an application to administrate the site and work as the foundation of a point of sales terminal for in store sales and then port the shopping cart and registry to my gallery. The dream will probable never be realize but the skills I learn will help me survive.

Desire Wednesday, 24 August 2005 06:41

Sometimes a topic distills out of life’s daily unconnected occurrences. I am not a big fan of intelligent design but themes at times take over—songs, TV, people in the streets and correspondence all reflect a common message. It is a testimony to the richness of life that chains can form to give reason.

It also gives argument to my growing belief that it is impossible to reason when it comes to getting our needs meet. Any argument can be derived from the truth, requiring a moral framework devised by religion, to keep up from diverging too far from society’s rules.

For me to understand the actions of others I needed to dispense with a moral judgment and evaluate their impact on me, for I could not be objective and would be better severed by fulfilling my own needs.

Then, for example, if there is no morality why don’t we exploit youth for our own prurient purpose? This issue was raised with a discussion of contemporary males. I have been writing to them about loving woman in every conceivable way and the issue drifted down to the lower age boundary. The conversation was particularly relevant to a friend with teenage daughters.

This weekend I entertained two eight year old twin nieces. With their long blond hair dressed like little vixens it is clear that they will break many a man’s heart in their lives. I could appreciate the women they will become without interest in exploiting their innocents. I never have had interest in children or men and regrettable in my life have denied my passion for appropriate females.

These emotions are natural and real it is only when we attempt to constrain what is in our hearts that perversion occurs as what happened in the Catholic Church. I might appear to be taking a pompous position of moral superiority but that is not my intent. Those whom have strayed from their values have lost confidence in life’s purpose.

Our heart and our mind can revel in the wonders of it all. Within us are genes carrying on to the next generation. The world is being enriched by a lyrical display of harmony and confusion. We need not forsake it on an attempt to feed the self.

 By: Ronda Zalenski
first message Sunday, 21 August 2005 14:07

test me going now I love

 By: Philip Gleason
God and Love Sunday, 21 August 2005 05:31

Today is Sunday an appropriate day to take a few moments to contemplate the almighty. I approach the topic with trepidation, knowing it can expose a controversial thoughts. The idea of Love and God fuse for me so I present them together.

Our upbringing puts an indelible mark on us and mine was as a Roman Catholic, Baptism, Communion, alter boy and Catholic School. I grew up with a clear framework of right and wrong, good and bad. My teachers attempted to instill in me the rules to follow to live a good life. I learned about the holy trinity an idea I later learned was the basis of the scientific concept that an identity can be represented in multiple ways. A human is not only a being but a system of organs and a collection of cells.

Sometimes the child grows up to challenge the parent and the logic of science presented a conflict with my faith based education. The two were not in contradiction for the unknowable could coexist with the knowable but it did render some the conclusions of our ancestors false. Santa Clause does exist in the hearts and minds of our children and will be immortalized with future generations we just know that an expedition team traveling north will not discover the North Pole.

I grew up with the idea of God was a middle aged white guy with a beard, around my age. It because nebulous when you added in the Holy Spirit and God the Father born in our image but never growing older or getting sick. this concept challenged me when you accepts that man’s appearance is evolving through evolution and he is represented in different gender and race.

This reconciles if you considered our image to be the immortal coil of our chromosomes that we receive from our parents and pass down to our children. The teaching two thousand years ago would have had difficulty explaining this to primitive people of the earth. In principle there is much similarity between evolution and religion.

Religion teaches us to place God and Family above ourselves and science presents our being as a container passing down our genes to future generations. Yet it seems that faith has attempted to sell this concept of selflessness by offering the preservation of our complete being—chromosome and consciousness — in a life everlasting. If life is about self preservation we don’t need God.

The more you learn the more you must marvel at the miracle. The beauty of how the world is put together inspires love. To love yourself is not to ruthlessly promote its preservation but to look within at the myriad of components you consist of.—Organs, cells and thoughts shared with the human race and the entire world. The love of God, for me, is the appreciation of the all encompassing world we live in.

The posting would not be complete without some thoughts on love between people. People primarily express love for a mate or family. To love is to truly accept attributes of another living being—courage, visage, intellect. With our family we share ancestry and see within our siblings’ attribute of ourselves which we work to preserve. With a mate we have the opportunity to combine those attributes with other admired traits. Not an easy task findingg love in others but we are compelled to procreate by our biology. A child merges these forces of love propelling our genes towards immortality.

On that note I will conclude this posting and direct myself to cleaning up my apartment for I am expecting family and joy of love.

The Selfish Gene Friday, 19 August 2005 05:16

This seems like the proper form to discuss book reviews. Recently I have been side tracked from software studies and read a book on evolution “the selfish gene” by Richard Dawkins. The book was written thirty years ago and some of its discussions are dated but it is an important book to read if you are interested in how man can to be, intelligent design not withstanding.

Yesterday I succeeded in getting a software application exercise to work it required coordinating window services, COM+ components, tcp-ip remoting and database access. I marveled on how similar the uniting of functionality can bring forth profound capability like the evolution of the eye or the brain in organisms. Dawkins argues that it is the desire for survival in our genes that brings this all about. This does not negate the existence of a creator but requires him to work in a way that is consistence with science.

The book states that the essential building block of life is the replicator, For us carbon based units that process began in the primordial mud where organic matter was created. DNA organizes itself into cells; cells organized themselves into organisms and they preserve through the bottleneck of sexual reproduction. Quite fascinating.

Dawkins expands on this idea with memes. Ideas like God or love that are preserved and mutated through communication. I would imagine that if the book was updated today it would include the wide spread propagation of computer viruses. As the network grows in complexity some of these strands of persistent code will be created by happenstance.

This challenges the supremacy of the human organism but our personal existence was always destine to end. Wisdom has placed in us an importance of faith, family and those who are near thus preserving and propagating the immortal coil within. A conscience God could have explained this years ago but man was to close to the earth to understand. There is still much to be reveled but it has given me faith in immortality at least for the components within and the thoughts in my head.

Working for a living Saturday, 13 August 2005 06:29

I’ve put down my grammar books and returned to software manual working to reconnect to my old passion. But, it is no longer enough; I want to connect with others now. I am fortunate to have the support of many friends and family but still find myself seeking. I am unable to conceal and the need, it is written all over my face yet refuge in the arms of another desperate soul is not what I want. It is during these times of longing that I go through the most personal growth. And there is much to be done.

My friend Larry has directed me to a fine book Dawkins “the Selfish Gene” The book explains the scientific details of evolution that I have been seeking in my latest interest in Darwin. I rationalize this distraction because it parallels writing of software.

I have keep this site running for years now and have gained the knowledge that only experience can teach. I see the improvements that need to be made and look forward to the time when I can dedicate the hours to accomplish it. But personal development drives me also and one personal accomplishment is I find I am now asking for what I want. I’m not always getting it but that is not in my control.

Words are more difficult to come by now that I am not regularly reading non-fiction but reconnecting to my programmers head. But I need to create content to sculpt the site around. This will be submitted to my web log—a stream of thoughts. The other major component here is the gallery—a hierarchical collection of images and text. Every new contribution should snuggly fit within past contributions. Many new postings now are rewording of old thoughts. I need to improve the organization. I envision a day when new thoughts will be accomplished with a new association or refinement.

It’s about me Thursday, 04 August 2005 07:33

Nothing is for granted, living on your own. Friends can change from week to week. Relationships can be many, new and thrilling but at other times you need to be content with yourself.

I have a fortunate friend. He has achieved wealth and freedom. Our discussions center around the self interests of others. Whether they are politician, corporate executive or priest all their behaviors can be traced to self enrichment. I did not want to accept this perspective; for it leaves the world cold and heartless. But as I live I see others conforming to this principle. And most interesting, it must be true for me.

It takes an adjustment to accept that your generous principles might not be so selfless. For these beliefs give comfort in having virtue and it advertises trustworthiness. Friendships can be established on different foundations. A neighbor is a convenient associate to collaborate on the issues of residency. Friends can run the gamut from relieving loneliness to supporting your life. Friendships with the opposite sex whether casual or committed are of no exemption

Long term relationship can supply enough ammunition to shoot down any romance when friendly competition shows its heads. I was always bewildered by the response of a lover until I accepted it was not about me but what is happening in her life. Living under past allusions does not make love genuine but with this knowledge it now possible to fulfill needs and receive fulfillment for you

In finding peace in life it requires mastery of seeming contradiction of simplicity and complexity. Simplicity in the principles involved and complexity is accomplishing their directives.

Mood swings Friday, 29 July 2005 07:02

Yesterday was a good day. The day was distinguished by the depth and variety of the connections. I was elated. So much so that perfect strangers greeted me with a hello on the streets of New York. Could it be a manic phase of a bipolar disorder? I hesitate with concern and wrestle to remove these thoughts from my head and enjoy the gift. As with times of joy comes times of sorrow and I must endure those times of loss or seasons darkness. With wisdom comes the understanding that this will pass but you are not quite sure.

I have seen friends respond wonderfully from the new pharmaceuticals designed to control these swings. Some friends might advise that I get a prescription yet I have resisted and only consuming the ill-advised liquid that is dispensed from a tap. I struggle with these forces but as long as I am rewarded as I was yesterday I will continue on my current path.

The enemy is the ego. With age’s deterioration there is a full assault on the self. The best medicine is to reach out. This journey need not be traveled alone. You won’t find the security of the womb but discover the love and the beauty that lies beyond the boundary of you.

I just experienced a downer… on the elevator that is. It was packed with early summer weekend travelers. Squeezed in next to me was a psychiatrist I ran into with my son on a Montréal ski vacation. I learned on vacation of his research on the effects of Riddlin. He made conversation by joking about my work cloths of a t-shirt, shorts and running shoes.

The conversation skipped and danced between light banter and probing comments to be terminated by the arrival at the lobby. Waiting there was a Columbia University law professor in gym shorts. The rule I go by is to move beyond the meaningless words but search for joy and understanding through subtleties

Switching Gears Monday, 18 July 2005 17:11

Two states existed: One in cyberspace and the other engaged with humanity. In the past, I have had a capacity to be content within my own thoughts, but I realized this was not possible for many others. People have confessed a feeling of depression when forced to be alone. I had no trouble with this and questioned whether my pursuits were actually a mistress beckoning me away.

Now I understand, as support of parents and a woman have left, that there is an importance for defending your finite existence. Fulfilling my own needs now beats stronger within. The dissecting the world needs to be applied directly to the acquisition of power, money and love. Good fortunate gave me an advantage in this struggle, ideal geography, physical stature and mental dexterity.

Along with these advantages there are unique weaknesses of an individual. Success requires the supreme application of every capability. My readings have leaded me to an appreciation of Darwin’s theories. He discusses, life evolves not only by adapting to your environment, like killing off saber tooth tiger, but also by attracting the best mate to ensure your prodigies success.

Getting the best mate is what made us human. The brain is not a calculator but a sexual ornament capable of lyric and deception. No matter how hard we try to be rational the mind will automatically conspire to meet its needs.

The corporate arena beckons me back. Past work was achieved in pursuit of perfection of thought. Truth as the foundation of an efficient system and that quest for it sometimes diverged from the job’s requirements. Now tempered, I understand that achievement has to be difficult, for we all are reaching for the same goal. And the ones that will succeed will apply every capability.

Mating Mind Tuesday, 21 June 2005 05:55

Separating work from life was never easy for me. I always dove into a subject like media or finance and survived. Now the subjects are getting closer to my own existence and providing material benefits is not as easy but I am learning about the person I am. My feeling were always in check but rational considerations, but now I must explore.

The inspiration started years ago when I was thrust back onto the singles market. I then lost faith in my devotion to technology. I learned that that focus would not insure a happy future. I was a person besides being a biological computer. I was socially shy not engaging people very easily. I existed as a software maven who was sought out after for his expertise. Now, I do not make this confession because I felt I was troubled anymore than you. I mention it because I feel it is time we drop our allusions and enjoying the world we live in.

Why was I denying so much of life? It did not make sense; if you want something you go for it. Looking inward does not disclose the solution. Was there a path to enlightenment or do you accept things as they are? This is my life and there is no reason to accept anything.

Looking into my faults only emphasized failure. Therapy meant subordinating to a shrink someone who needs to be paid for his company. We all need guidance but there come a time we need to stand alone. I took the advice of the Nike commercial and “just do it” I figured out what I wanted to accomplish and set upon the task. First was to get in shape, improve grooming and stand up straight. Working out, therapy and public speaking classes developed my representing being I showed the world.

I mention all of this because the book I am reading is offering me an understanding of how all the pieces fit together ‘The Mating Mind’ by Geoffrey Miller explains how sexual choice shaped the evolution of human nature.

The common understanding is the human mind developed because of Darwin’s “Survival of the Fittest.” A bigger brain was better at accomplishing survival tasks. Yet the brain we have had a consciousness, aptitude for the arts and a clearness that goes beyond coping with our physical world.

Darwin did offer clues to how our brains came about in his writing on sexual selection. Large brains are resources expensive and take many stages before it can contribute to our physical survival. Think of a bird’s wing, many generations passed before it is capable of actually allow a bird to fly. The early colorful mutations only served to attract a mate. Just like our brain.

A larger brain’s clever capability attracted mates much like a peacock’s tail. It required the males to outshow his competitors with a little dance and sweet sounds.

Reading this explained much of what I was learning in common experiences. I have heard the complaints by other males who focus mostly on technology that woman are irrational and dumb. Yet I thought if they are so dumb and irrational why do they get the better of us most of the time? Now if the brain was developed in this battle of the sexes, its true capability would be there. Now man’s conscious effort to control this situation would be similar to counting your steps on the dance floor, you are bound to step on somebody’s toes.

Toxic Monday, 20 June 2005 03:07

Yesterday I learned why the traffic here is so light. I overheard two techies discussing the shortcomings of Microsoft’s computer environment complaining about viruses and system crashes. I listened quietly interested in their prospective, imaging many others share their frustrations.

I migrated to Microsoft’s software as a result of my experience. When the Hewlett Packard 9000 software I was developing on was discontinued. I was left with few options, it meant I either froze the system or ported it to another platform. I did port the system to a Macintosh ( C++ and class libraries) but by then my sponsor was off on his early retirement and I was on different project in derivatives.

I was concerned the Symantec Think C and its class libraries would one day become discontinued like the HP Basic. When I had a choice on what platform to develop on, I choose the most popular Microsoft Windows and ANSI C.—I was not going to have the same mistake happen twice.

All project I developed after that commitment to Window’s I can still can compile and run. But I do believe my days of developing on this proprietary platform are coming to an end. This web site was constructed with Visual Basic dot Net but I am thinking of converting to C# and investigating a port to Mono—an open source dot net framework. And most of my efforts lately have been working with style sheets and SQL.

Back to the light traffic issue, this somewhat informed computer user who was discussing the nets shortcoming had decided not to explore sites he was not familiar with for concern over the threat of a virus. There must be many like him—moving away from the internet because it is just too dysfunctional.

Every time I run software to check my computer, I encounter spam, mostly unwelcome cookies sending back my mouse clicks. Only twice have I encountered major problems. Once was when I was contracted by a dot com which became infected with a virus. The repair required complete rebuild and eight hours of work.

The other incident was precipitated by some unsafe computer action after a night out. That evening I heard a sexy song by Paula Cole and need to hear it at home. This was the days after Napstar and free music was not easy to find by searching. When I unwisely accepted an activeX I unleashed hell. It took about five hours to remove the last effects of the download. I ended up buying the album and swore to be good.

But all these problems are moving uses away from browsing. Most now are happy to program ring tones in their cell phone until the viruses take to the air

solecism Saturday, 18 June 2005 04:53

I use to call my folks once a week—I believed I was the dutiful son. They wanted to hear the news, I thought. The communication often followed a predictable pattern, an exchange of pleasant cordialities, an update on the latest infirmaries of their advanced age and my father’s liberal diatribe about big banks (I was working for one) and foreign competition.

They are gone now and I miss those weekly chats. I miss the unconditional love that was imparted. Now I find it much more difficult to remain at peace alone. There are waves of insecurity that disturb my concentration now. Forcing me to worry or seek companionship.

With every loss there is a gain. Now working hard to communicate by reading and practicing here. I have a respect for words—words create the bridge to others.

This weekend my teenage son is with me, and though our conversations are brief, I am comforted when family is near. Even knowing life is teeming just a city block away I was at peace read on a Friday night. I asked him if he had visited this site, Yes, he said and commented on my faulty word construction. Because it was him, I was proud that he was discerning. Yet this morning I found myself back to reading a grammar book.

Charades Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:21

I am on this kick lately that all people’s behaviors are self serving. Some of those selfish acts can achieve great good while fulfilling some personal need. So lately I have been intrigued by those close to me who expose a need but have difficulty articulating it.

This leaves me playing charades attempting to understand what they are talking about. “Are you upset because I forget to send you a birthday card two years ago?” In the process I end up confessing different items that I feel might be contributing to their unhappiness. Even if I am not right, they have learned what guilt I might be harboring in the relationship. And knowledge is power.

As you mature, you discover the elegance in which people behave. You could despair but I choose to find those situations that derive the greater good. For that path is a positive one.

Secrets Saturday, 11 June 2005 08:49

This is a topic I have been thinking about for a couple of days now. Two items came to mind, one technical the other personal. Secrets should not be limited by today’s computer protocols but it does give a foundation for the concept.

I am now adding web services on to my site from eBay and Amazon. Relationships require secrets. To pass information back and forth you need password such as the developer ID, application ID, certificate etc. etc. These shared secrets guarantee a secure interaction or trust.

In my life I have had little concern for secrets, at the age of two I would run down to the intersection in my birthday suit. Later in life, I made the mistake of proudly sharing with a friend’s wife her husband’s sexual exploits only to be greeted with shock and disbelief. I am still committed to the concept with the massive amount of information I’m posting on this site but hopefully know now when to cover up the essential parts.

It sure was easier with no secrets; for one I never cheat on partners, not out of commitment but to preservation of my world view. I could speak freely not worrying about exposing an inconsistency of deception. I accepted the words of others believing they had no secrets.

“Don’t worry honey; the scratches are from the zipper”
“Why are your wrists black and blue?”

“Oh, I see.”

The price was being walled outside the gated community of naughty people having the times of their lives or so I felt.

People are unwilling to share their indiscretion unless you confide. And if you have nothing to reveal you need to resort to some other method of discovery. Lately I have been dabbling in the black art of secrets and have found that when I confess I am countered with a confession ready to be told. How many other stores went untold?

I don’t want to be moralistic about this, who is to say what is good or bad? Life is very boring without hidden treasures. And just because we believe we have no secrets does not mean we are not keeping some from ourselves. For it is impossible to go through life without rationalize away some of our shortcoming.

I am still committed to disclosure, hiding my secrets in plain site. But I know now there are secrets in my life that I won’t readily disclose. For those parts of life need to remain a mystery and only revealed to those very dear.—like a root password.

Flowers Friday, 10 June 2005 07:00

Yesterday I awoke early, read the Wall Street Journal (WSJ), ran in the park and posted an entree on Love. The day was going to be a scorcher, and I was troubled by something else—I needed joy in my life. And I found my answer in the papers—A Dream House of Flowers.

So off I went stuffing essentials into my Jean, toting only a digital camera. The trip was like a time machine. The last twenty years I have been to the Bronx only to visit the zoo with my son, but before I had traveled often down from Westchester by bus to catch the D train at Fordham Road. I would ride the train to 57th street and shape for work in the un-air-conditioned union hall. I would listen to incredible stories by lonely men. With luck I would end up unloading a truck for a TV commercial or setting up lights on a movie. All these thoughts came back as I passed the tiled station at Fordham Road.

A trek across ten city blocks brought me to the gate of the New York Botanical Gardens. It being early on a hot weekday, the garden was almost empty. As a child I was entertained by nature more then by tossing a ball at a park. It was a lovely day, I posted the pictures here 932 memories that had been buried came back. The brook on Walgrove Avenue, Mom’s Roses, The Duck pond and Deer pond. The stroll made me aware of how rich and complex the world we live in. For a moment I forgot that life was just self interests of Sex and Money. That is exactly why I came to the garden.

Love Thursday, 09 June 2005 06:18

As of late, I heard spoken the word love. I could never quite comprehend its meaning. Those who professed love one moment could very unlove the next. Love was not to be defined. Your heart or your whim could take you where ever love chooses. Baffled by this behavior I committed myself to study. What I discovered was that much of what was said to be love was self serving behavior. The mother’s love for a child is based on an innate drive to procreate as is a man’s desire for a woman.

I was not going to accept that is no love, So I choose to do something I loved, running in Central Park and think about love. it was so hot, I missed running yesterday so today I made sure to get out early. It was already a warm 80 degrees but I knew it would not get any cooler today. With a dry clean t-shirt , shorts, headband and radio I hit the pavement.

Love what is it? The radio replied with the J. Giles Band's “Love Stinks” The appropriateness of the song, the beauty of the day sent chills up and down my body. Defiantly, I could sum up my life’s experience with that song. But I try to hold no resentment for past loves. Those loves made my live richer.

Then there are my family, biologically connected individuals like children, parents and siblings. I love my child. But I am sure he will grow up with feeling of resentment, I hope not. But almost every other relative is burdened by this in someway or other.

I choose to think about love like god. The Jews have an unspeakable name for god YHVH (Yahweh or Jehovah) the idea being that it is impossible to define the all powerful with a name. It puts too fine an edge on its meaning allowing the word to be an agent of your personal needs. Love for me is similar. Love does not require reciprocation. Love is how you feel one with something or somebody. Like a scripted movie track U2’s “one love” started playing on the radio. Another rush electrified my body, my sweaty wet t-shirt now clinging to my body.

I have always had the capacity to love thoughts and ideas; I have not been so good in life with loving people. Ideas can be perfect people can not. But as life passes it becomes more important to share. This site has been an attempt to build up the love from the inside out. Here I express who I am. But the reality is few are really interested. I love doing this and to shame people to come read my articles violates my whole belief on the subject. So it is my job to improve my offering and to attract those close with hope that they will love what they read and will participate.

So I write about my thoughts, my family, and my environment. Just then as I pass by the Guggenheim museum on Fifth Avenue Frank Sinatra starts singing “New York, New York” life is good, for now.

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